


not even an option

by TransparentSheepDeer



Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Internal Monologue, One-Sided Attraction, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 11:28:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19106194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TransparentSheepDeer/pseuds/TransparentSheepDeer
Summary: Callum was sure about two things:One, he had a crush on Rayla.Two, she definitely didn't like him back.





	not even an option

Callum was sure about two things:

One, he had a crush on Rayla.

Two, she definitely didn't like him back.

It was obvious, really. How _could_ she like someone like him? Well, sure, they were good friends. They spent a lot of time together, they talked a lot, they enjoyed the other's company.

But Callum knew that he was not enough to be considered anything but a friend. Not by Rayla, not by anyone. Not in a million years. Not ever.

Callum knew he wasn't a bad person. He was compassionate and tried to do what was right. Sometimes, he was even funny.

But other than that-? There was nothing interesting about him. He could talk all he wanted, joke all he wanted, try as much as he wanted, but it would never be enough.

He wasn't sure whether it was entirely his fault. It wasn't, probably. He was trying to become someone worthy of love, but there was something about him that hindered him from getting to that point.

Logically, Callum knew there had to be someone on this Earth who liked him. There was a chance, but it was devastatingly small compared to other people.

Self-pity was not really useful. But he couldn't help it.

Maybe it was his fate to die alone. Or he committed a hubris sometime and hadn't noticed, and now every deity was out to make his life miserable. To be honest, it didn't really matter. He was not meant to know what love and romance felt like.

As far as Callum knew, love could not be explained. It just appeared sometime. Well, not appeared - it had been there for a long time, but people never noticed it immediately. And when they did, the realization hit them like a train.

Attraction was supposed to feel good. Callum did not feel good.

Rayla couldn't like him back. There was no chance.

He was a horrible match. He wasn't sure if it was that other people deserved someone better than him, or if he was just so repulsive that he didn't deserve anyone at all. Probably a bit of both.

Countless what if scenarios played in his mind. What would happen if he confessed... maybe not confessed, but at least tested the waters. If he reached for Rayla's hand, or complimented her.

His best guess was that Rayla would be grossed out, or take it as a gesture of friendship. He didn't know which one would be worse.

In the unlikely event that he confessed, it would only make things awkward between them. There was no way that it could happen differently. It would ruin their entire friendship. And after their mission was done, they would be on their separate ways for the rest of their lives, until one of them died.

No, he couldn't let that happen. Either they could have a life-long friendship, or he could fuck it up with something as stupid as romance.

Besides, he was sure that even if Rayla was willing to give him a chance, it wouldn't last long. At the very least, it would have more cons than pros.

The most obvious one was that Callum was human, and Rayla was a Moonshadow elf. Even if they managed to bring peace to their lands, Callum was sure that centuries of built-up mistrust would not easily go away. They would have to hide their relationship.

If it ever got out, they would end up in trouble. Even if it only meant telling their friends and family. They would very much have to fight for their relationship. And Callum was sure that he wasn't man enough to be able to do that. He was a coward, nothing else.

But Rayla would be brave enough to do the opposite for him. She would be. And she didn't deserve someone who wasn't strong enough to fight for her in return.

Even if their races wasn't a problem,Callum would be an awful choice. No - if anything, he wouldn't be a choice for anyone. He would be the last option. He would be a "choice" if there was no one left anyone could choose. If their standards were low enough. If they had nothing to lose in life, if they could sacrifice most of their happiness in return for being with Callum. In return for loving Callum.

Loving him - ha. Yeah, right.

There was no such thing. Love - love existed, he knew this. But not for him. Definitely not for him. Fulfilled love was something he was never meant to experience. It was something he could gaze at from a distance, something he could daydream about, something he could long for. But not something he could ever have himself.

He didn't know what it was that made him so... unappealing. That was a harsh sentence, but he found it to be true.

He was no warrior, he was no mage. He wasn't street-smart, he wasn't book-smart, and he definitely lacked emotional intelligence. In all aspects, he was disappointingly average. Boring, even.

This flaw was something inherent to him, something he could never change, no matter how much he wanted to. He could imitate all he wanted, he could pretend all he wanted, he could hide it all he wanted, but it would be still there, it would never be enough, he would never be enough.

Rayla would not find happiness with him. No one ever would. No one ever could.

How could Callum be so selfish, anyway? How could he expect someone to just like him, to fall in love with him? How could he expect someone to make that sacrifice for his sake? To give up so much of their happiness in exchange for- for what, exactly? His love?

That could never be enough in exchange for the loss.


End file.
